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Posts Tagged ‘end times’

It’s finally time for me start something that was supposed to be a main attraction when we started the blog: religious tract reviews. You know all those folded sheet of paper with a cross on the front that you kinda step over on your way to the corner mart for your morning Sin Coffee? I love those. I collect those, I will cross streets to pick them up off a dirty bus bunch, I risk long discussions with people wearing misspelled sandwich boards just to obtain one more, and I occasionally cross streets, risk discussions, and then don’t even take the pamphlet because I already have that one.

So, you know, I’ve got a couple stashed away. They’re mostly Christian, because that’s what tends to be around, though I have a few from Jews for Jesus, some Mormon stuff, and a Scientologist graph of something from back when I lived next to the Dianetics Center. I’ve also got a Qu’ran and an entire book of introduction to the Qu’ran, but people, I am not reviewing the Qu’ran for this blog. Same goes for the splinter group Buddhist books I got a few years ago from the train station in DC.

In order to start this party off with a bang, I went to the gold standard of crazy pamphlet lit: the Chick tract. Jack T. Chick was born in 1924, and is an Independent Baptist, which isn’t a specific church but basically means that regular Baptists weren’t conservative enough. He’s also a dispensational premillenialist, and in case you’re not up on your proper End Times lingo, just know that Jesus’ second coming is incredibly confusing and the subject of much debate requiring graphs, tables and illustrations, and this guy has a definite opinion on it.

Jack Chick hasn’t given an interview since 1975, and has never released a photo of himself, though there are other photos that claim to be of him. He’s like the Thomas Pynchon of the Christian Comics world. According to his Wikipedia page, he got the idea of spreading the word through comics from Communist China.

The first review in a sporadic, untimely series is going up tomorrow. Try to contain yourselves until then.

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Probably almost everyone reading this has already heard about YouveBeenLeftBehind.com. It’s about the rapture–you know, that special time in a Christian’s life when the End Times come and he or she gets whisked on up to heaven. This fancy little website will email your friends and family after the Rapture has taken place, so they still have time to repent before the Second Coming.

All this for the low, low price of $40 / year!

I love this. Ever since I was a kid and I saw a bumper sticker that said, “In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned,” I’ve been fascinated. Of course, as a kid I thought those bumper stickers were a little prideful, something my fundamentalist Christian fifth-grade teacher taught me all about. I still think they are, though in a different way–I would totally like to see the rapture happen, and then all those people with the bumper sticker get out of their cars, confused, and just start kicking the bumper.

The site actually works on a similar principle–there are five “Christian” employees, and if any three of the five don’t log in for six days, the email goes out. What if they just go on a really hard bender, though? I would love to see that email: “Dear Subscribers, we apologize for sending out a false Rapture email…” Of course, there would be lots of pissed Christians worrying for days that the rapture hadn’t taken them.

So, I kind of applaud this website for finding a new way to separate the gullible from their money. Everyone else: read Revelations. When the rapture happens, you will know about it.

★★★★☆

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