Patron saint of procrastinators, and one who generally hurries things along.
The story of Expeditus is extraordinarily confused, and ends with the Catholic church basically admitting that this guy never lived. He starts showing up in martyrologies–big lists of martyrs–in the eighteenth century in Italy, well before 1781. Unfortunately what the martyrology said was that he was a martyr who died in Turkey a Long Time Ago. He’s represented in pictures as a young Roman soldier, though.
Add to that, his entry in the martyr list was probably some sort of scribal mistake. It’s been suggested that he was confused with St. Elpidius.
Then, in 1781 as the story goes, a group of nuns in Paris received a big box with the word “Spedito”–“Expeditus” in Latin–with the statue and relics of a saint in it. In a hilarious misunderstanding, the nuns thought that “Expeditus” was the name of the martyr within (rather than a shipping instruction), and started praying to him.
Since their prayers were answered super quickly and efficiently, he was made the patron saint of Getting Shit Done; this is more or less the Scientific Method of the Catholic church. Perhaps next week’s saint will be an example of the research process in the Catholic church. Hint: it involves visions, but no footnotes.
In any case, the cult of St. Expeditus survives until today. Wired claims him as the patron saint of hackers. He’s particularly revered in New Orleans, where a slightly different version of the same story was told: same idea, but with the relics and state being shipped to a church in New Orleans amongst a batch of other Church paraphenalia; since the state wasn’t labeled they decided “Expedite,” written on the outside, was his name.
Even better, he’s the patron saint of the Replubic of Molossia, a micronation in Nevadan desert (with a “colony” in the Mojave, near Twentynine Palms. Having been there, I am not at all surprised).
Finally, on the French island of Réunion (near Madagascar), there are red shrines devoted to the saint all over the place, as well as beheaded statues of the guy. This is what happens when you don’t answer prayers fast enough, Mister Speedy!
In the picture up top, he’s holding a cross with the word “hodie” (Latin for “today”) and stepping on a crow saying “cras” (tomorrow). Maybe this should go above my desk.
His feast day is April 19th, but you can wait until the 20th.
The Illegiterati 
I am an admirer of St. Expiditus. I have a financial frustration. and I want to experience his blessing in order not to suffer needs and want. Especially for the education of my son who is right now graduating for the Nursing course at Fatima School at Valenzuela, Philippines.
Thank you St. Expiditus. and I am waiting your help to support me in my financial problems.
Amen, amen and amen.
I have the 9day novena to St. Expiditus but I haven’t started it yet. I will start tonight to experience his blessing esp now that I need financial blessings so I can buy a house and lot.
May St. Expiditus guide me to clients that are willing to have life insurance.
I thank you St. Expiditus for your intercession.
I have the 9day novena to St. Expiditus but I haven’t started it yet. I will start tonight to experience his blessing esp now that I need financial blessings so I can buy a house and lot.
May St. Expiditus guide me to clients that are willing to have life insurance.
I thank you St. Expiditus for your intercession.
note: this is my first time to write a petition letter to St. Expiditus
St Expeditus please help me. I have big financial trouble
because I have been out of work for several months. I
have a wife and 3 kids to take care of. If my wishes are
granted I promise to make a donation to the local chaarity
in your name. Amen.
St. Expiditus please help me. I beg you. I’m in financial need, my house is in foreclosure and in mayor need of remodeling. Two of my three children are in college. Help me save my home fix to live comfortable and help my kids finish college with no worries financially. I’m not looking for greedy wealth, just enough to not worry and sleep at night. AMEN. AMEN. AMEN
St. Expeditus
Thank you for discovering You. I pray for your financial blessings. Our business went down and we are not making enough money to cover our expenses. We are in urgent financial help. Please pour on us your blessings in Jesus name. I donated in your name to your shrine. I will glorify Your name if you help me now. AMEN
St. Expeditus
I’m here to ask help in my financial problem. I’m in a big trouble right now. I have several loans that I really need to pay right away. I’m worrying because they started to go to my house and asked for the payment. I’m worrying for the conditions of my parents. There both old and I don’t want them to get trouble because of me. I want to change for my parents. Please St. Expeditus help me and I promise not to borrow money again. I’ll do everything that you want me to do and I will honor and glorify you as long as I leave. please help me…please…please…
St. Expeditus
I’m here to ask help in my financial problem. I’m in a big trouble right now. I have several loans that I really need to pay right away. I’m worrying because they started to go to my house and asked for the payment. I’m worrying for the conditions of my parents. There both old and I don’t want them to get trouble because of me. I want to change for my parents. Please St. Expeditus help me and I promise not to borrow money again. I’ll do everything that you want me to do and I will honor and glorify you as long as I live. please help me…please…please…
St. Expeditus. I have to ask for your help. I have an immediate problem. I will lose my home in nine days without your help. I am sick of the entire matter. We are a family of seven and my husband works from the home. We are desperate. Please help us to be able to keep our home. It is not a house to us, but a home. I pray that you can help me as well as others in this situation. Please guide me to whatever steps are necessary to stop from losing my home. Amen.
Thank you oh wonderful St. Expedite, you have granted our needs for $15,000. I praise you and bless your name. I honor your image with Pound cake and fresh flowers, thank you for your help and blessings. I am so grateful.
Stick with us dear Expedite, our time of need is not quite at an end. If you can see fit we beg further blessings to keep our business afloat and 30 people employed.
God bless you and praise you forever.
Amen
Thank you so much St. Expeditus – you helped my son through his first hurdle in his battle for legal custody. I placed a fresh bouquet of flowers and an entire pound cake in honor of you and my gratefulness. I’m lighting another candle to you for your most gracious help in my dire financial situation. Praise be to God, thank you so much St. Expeditus.
Dear st. Expeditus, I have discovered about you few years ago when I went to an adoration chapel and was asking for a help. and I want to thank you for that. But dear st, as of now im asking for your help again, I and my family are suffering from financial problems.. We are not asking you to make us rich but we just want you to help us in order for us to pay all our debts. My parents are already old and as much as possible i want them also to enjoy life. but with the financial problems that we are experiencing right now, my mother begun to be too emotional.. thinking that we are the poorest in the family so no one would want to help us. Im worried about her and my father so please dearest st help us.
St. Expeditus,
This is the first time i know about you and when i know you , i already started praying my own petitions. help me to find a better job abroad to earn money, so that all our financial worries and obligations will be settle and also to help my family and others who are in need. I also pray for my mother’s recovery… Thank you very much St. Expeditus…. I Trust you….. I place and offer you fresh flowers….pls. help and grant us.
St.Expeditus pls help me with my petition.pls help me in my prayers.my husband was ongoin with the bar examination continuing until the end of november 2011, may he passed the bar exam & help him find a good job that will give him good salary for his family.im also praying for a good result of my exam taken last oct. 2011.pls answer my prayers st.expeditus.pls grant my prayers. thank u, i trust in you..pls help us with our financial problem.pls guide us everyday.pls protect us from dangers.pls answer my prayers.im praying that my husband with become a full pledge lawyer. a bar passer & me a civil service passer too.thank u, godbless
St. Expeditus,
Im in great financial need. please help me to pay all my obligations in order for me to start a new life, to have a new beginning. Im not asking for too much, I’m asking for enough money to pay all my obligations, please ask Jesus and Mama Mary to help me in my financial trouble. Thank you very much and I promise to let other people know you through your novena. thank you so much I trust in you. In Jesus name . Amen
Happy Feast Day, Saint Expedite! I think of you and glorify your name on this special day!
Thank you, Saint Expedite, for your immediate assistance and intercession- I am in complete awe over your rapid response and aide. I am humbled by your exactness and timeliness to meet my goals.
st .expedite please send are family good jobs quickly i beg of u i will never stop thanking u and praying to u
a r m
I want to propagate the name of the most beautiful St Expedite. I prayed to him, and swiftly, he came through for me. I will continue to praise him and lavish beautiful things upon him so that all my requests and desires are satisfied. I praise the name of the glorious martyr who answers prayers with haste!
Thank you, Saint Expedite, for your immediate assistance and intercession- I am in complete awe over your rapid response and aide. I am humbled by your exactness and timeliness to meet my goals. You did not fail me and you did not leave my side during this time.
please help me st expedite to have a house in the philippines and help me to have a job please take care of my family
Thank you Saint Expedite! You did it again! You gave me what I had asked for in only three days! Amazing- I love you!
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help me st expeditus to my financial problems i am really in need.. my monthly bills.. my loan to people who give me an a month to pay..be my light and guide in this situation so that i may livw with peace , love, prosperity and abumdance and in the praise of god almighty
i call forth the power and the presence of st expedite in my time of financial trouble .i offer my body,heart,mind and soul upon your altar of light
i have faith and trust and complete confidence that you will be my strength in this time of need. quickly come to my assitance
bring me (my petition)
my financial needs is urgent …
thank you for helping me..
Dear St. Expeditus: I hope the Pound cake, daffodils and African violets are okay. Thank you for your speedy help thus far… L.V.Risk
I want to THANK St. Expedite from the bottom of my heart for his help in my urgent need – My fiancé wanted to break things off with me. In tears, I said a prayer to St. Expedite and in a few hours, he reconciled himself to me! This is by no means the end of his favour, but it is a start to heal our relationship.
DEO GRATIAS
st. expeditus, please help me overcome the problems which i know miracle is the only solution. i lift it up to you and thru your intercession, i know this will pass….
Honorable Saint Expeditus, please help me to get a very good, high paying job. I found one today online that I feel would be perfect. I appreciate if you intercede so that things can get done! Please help us prosper. I hope you love the pound cake…. very much more pound cake, treats, flowers will all be yours when I get a new, good job as payment for your services. With appreciation and devotion, Diana
St.Expeditus I am here to ask for your urgent help, Please help me & my parents to find a good buyer of our house in General Santos City.Amen.
In return I promise to share with your church some amount from the selling and I also promise to place a special altar where I and my husband are planning to live. I also promise to spread your name on social network, news paper and share hundred copies of my St.Expeditus prayer to others.
St.Expedotus, yesterday I am here to place my request and beg for your immediate help. I came back today to thank you for hearing my request. This morning I told my mother about you and your miraculous help. This afternoon before going to sleep my elder sister from General Santos City called my mother and informed her that my cousin found someone who is interested to come tomorrow to our house to look for the property we are selling. I know that my prayer is not yet 100% granted, but the fact that someone shows interest in seeing the property we are selling is a answered prayer from yesterday.I am here again to ask and beg help from you.
Our dear martyr and protector, Saint Expedite,
You who know what is necessary and what is urgently needed.
I beg you to intercede before the Holy Trinity, that by your grace
my request will be granted.
St.Expedite I pray for you to help me again that tomorrow the person who will go to the property we are selling in Carmenville General Santos City will like the property and decide to buy our house.I am begging for your immediate help make the transaction successful tomorrow.I beg you please st. Expeditus.
May I receive your blessings and favors.
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.
I promise in return to share some amount to your Church here in the Philippines and I promise to spread your name in social networking,news paper and give testimony on blogs.And I will give you flowers and look for pound cake to offer as soon as I receive the favor I ask from you.Thank you St.Expeditus.
St Espeditus thank you for what you are about to do in my life .been with out a home 4 years ,have gone through trials be on. Now I need to help my daughter my sister my mother my son and 2 grand daughters to help them fine a home Im weak from worry my business is dead .I don’t know what else to do, I was told about your powers I need your touch of luck Im going to gamble all I have ,I can’t take the stress some time I can even breathe .I feel calm and confident that you are here and will be with me tomorrow I have nobody in the world to help me get out of this mess .I need a fast miracle Im so happy I found you I promise to worship you love you respect you for ever .promise to enter your statue in my new hone and honor you with fresh flowers always and a pound cake weekly for ever .promise to live 1O copy’s of your prayer in 3 different. church .and to one day make it to your temple in New Orleans I will be for ever grateful .
I thank you all ready I know my help is on the way
Ame Amen Amen
Expeditus here: Look, people – I can’t help you with financial luck or good fortune – that’s a job for the Infant Jesus of Prague. If you just want to get out of a scrape, you can try St Jude (http://www.stjudenovena.org/) or St Nicholas – they are on most days.
I get stuff done quick, OK? It may be sloppy, unfinished or wrong, but it gets done and that’s what counts. I work with a guy named Hermes and we have branches in most places. WE DON”T WORK WITH CASH OR CREDIT>
Thank you St. Expedite for having mercy on the poor and those that call upon you when in desperate need. I am forever so very grateful to you and will honor your Name as the Great Intercessor Saint that goes before the throne of God on behalf of us, to aid in our needs.
Listen UP PEOPLE!! St EXPEDITUS here….
Look…. I don’t do money, cash or gifts – try the Infant Jesus of Prague or even St Jude.
I get stuff done. It may be wrong, broken or ill-fitting, but it gets done. Today. Maybe tomorrow at the latest. So stop bugging me with money requests, and NO, I don’t expedite robbing banks or other sinful crimes.
ExPeeDie TUS! (Franchises available in Brazil, Philippines and Germany, as of 2018.)