The Illegiterati

Because I’m insane, I got really excited when the Vatican announced more new sins. The story lists them as:

1. “Bioethical” violations such as birth control / sanctity of life violations

2. “Morally dubious” experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse / trafficking

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

Not nearly as pithy as the original seven sins. How will Catholic artists come up with easy-to-understand visual representations of “bioethical violations?” The first seven were easy. Lust, you draw a big-bosomed, scantily-clad lady, because obviously they’re all evil (and a stumbling block to our young men). Gluttony’s a fat guy. Sloth is someone asleep. Greed is probably a Jew counting his money or whatever. See how fun this is? Now you do some!

But what are we supposed to do with “contributing to the widening divide between the rich and the poor“? Nobody could draw that in Pictionary. Maybe “bioethical violations,” the best example of which they can come up with is “birth control,” could be the same slutty lady from the previous paragraph, but you just can’t make a movie about a killer who forces someone to die by way of “morally dubious” experiments, though Fern Gully did a pretty good job of teaching us not to pollute. The rain forest pixies will be sad!

Really, though, these sins leave way too much room for error. Are we supposed to judge ourselves what’s “morally dubious?” Why didn’t they just write a press release that said SHADES OF GRAY? How will I know when my wealth is excessive? Honestly, if the Catholic Church won’t tell me what to do and how to think, who will?

Two stars at best.

★★☆☆☆

More sinning after the jump…One of the great things about having a blog about religion is now I have a reason for doing things like googling “venial vs. mortal sins,” whereas before I looked them up Just Because and it was probably kind of weird. Not being Catholic, the complexities of these things tend to be lost on me.

Venial sins are ones that either aren’t that bad or that you do accidentally, and unless you confess and pray them away they send you to purgatory. You can leave them unconfessed and you won’t go to hell. Mortal sins are both really bad and done with your full knowledge, and unless you confess THEM–if you can’t get to confession, say, you’re in a dungeon with a level 13 warlock right outside the door, really wanting to confess is apparently good enough–you really do go to hell. And there’s no buying indulgences to get your way out of there.

The other thing that Google taught me today is that, rather than being sins that send you straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200, the “seven deadly sins” are just a way to categorize the bad stuff you can do. So lust, envy and greed away, as long as you make confession this week.

And of course–God bless the Church–everything I’ve just written isn’t true if you’re talking about Eastern Orthodoxy. First they change Easter, then they change the very nature of sin. Thanks, but I’ll stick with my good, old fashioned, American as Mom and apple pie, Roman Catholic Church.

Last but not least, did you know there are also Seven Holy Virtues? Yeah, I didn’t know that either. I think it’s because Temperance and Diligence are just no fun, and that picture of Chastity won’t be nearly as exciting as the one of Lust.