Please understand that I am not one of these ranting lunatics who quotes one-fourth of a Bible verse and assumes that all truth has been duly dispersed. No, I tend to read the entire passage.

We’ve had stories in the news, lately, where someone quoted out of context was proven to have been egregiously misrepresented. I believe the Word of God deserves no less than due literary respect and a search for absolute honesty…don’t you?

So. What saith it?

Take the listed ingredients, make a flat, unleavened (approximately 8 ounces) cake, and cook it over human feces*. Yep. Now, eat one of those a day and nothing else.

Next, wash that one shit-flavored cake down with a daily allowance of about 10 ounces of water, taken in small sips throughout the day. Now remember, this is one dry, leathery excuse for baked goods. No creme filling inside, either. 10 ounces of water is hardly the USDA minimum, even if you eat nothing but chicken soup all he time.

Do this for a total of 430 days, while lying all day on one side (the Lord told Ezekiel he’d tie him up so he couldn’t roll over). 390 days on the left side, 40 on the right. Ol’ Zeke was gonna be walkin’ funny.

Personally, I don’t think the Almighty was trying too hard to improve Ezekiel’s health, much less his attitude. This story is about humiliation and the eve of destruction. But go read the passage for yourself.

And if you must be so righteous as to consume this stuff, since, after, it IS in the Bible, then be honest enough to follow-through with the 8 ounce portion, cooked without yeast over crap, 10 ounces of water every day (no more), and, oh, yes…lie on your side for 430 days.

* when Ezekiel protested about human feces, the Lord relented and changed it to cow manure